i give good blog

Pico and Centinela: Check it out.

2004-09-13T22:18:00.000-07:00

Gotta love political guerilla art.
Read the LA Weekly story here.

2004-09-08T16:02:00.000-07:00

Enjoy the archives. I'm taking an indefinite break.

Michelle

Zell Miller: the turncoat scandal

2004-09-02T11:18:00.000-07:00

If you are just as appauled with Democratic Senator Zell Miller, as I am; please call him or email him with your grievences. I'm sure the good people of Georgia who elected him to represent their DEMOCRATIC ideals are in complete dismay about his sudden turn. Below is a list of his office information in both D.C. and Georgia.

Give him a call, tell him what you think about his little switch-a-roo.

Web Site: miller.senate.govE-mail: Contact Via 'Web Form.'

Washington Office:257 Dirksen Senate Office BuildingWashington, D.C. 20510-1006Phone: (202) 224-3643Fax: (202) 228-2090

Main District Office:100 Colony Square, Ste. 300Atlanta, GA 30361Phone: (404) 347-2202Fax: (404) 347-2243(more district offices)

whose the flip-flopper now?

2004-08-31T19:16:00.000-07:00

In Febuary, Bush said, "We're going to win the war on terror." A quote from the famous speech aboard an aircraft carrier donned with a banner declaring "Mission Accomplished".

Yesterday, Bush said, "I don't think you can win it. (the war on terror) But I think you can create conditions so that those who use terror as a tool are less acceptable in parts of the world. Let's put it that way."

Wait theres more....

Then today, he said, "In this different kind of war, we may never sit down at a peace table,but make no mistake about it, we are winning and we will win."

Well I have a few questions, are we or aren't we winning? Can we win? Is it even possible? I must quote the wise words of David Cross when commenting on the possible defeat of worldwide terrorism. " Trying to win a war on Terrorism, is like trying to win a war on jealousy. It's an absurd notion."

How do you know when we've won, Mr. Bush, if the sophisticated intelligence agencies in this country can't even track a terrorist on our own soil. If Bush's impression of "winning" is anything like Mr. Ariel Sharon's, we can look forward to at least 50 years of "winning" on a micro basis and losing on a macro basis.

Bush and Co. are dellusional. When Perle and Wolfie drafted the PNAC papers in 1991, Bush Sr. tossed them out; realizing the absurdity and futility of trying to democratize the Middle East. It's a mamoth task that sounds good on paper, or discussed in political philosophy forums but when applied, the reality is disasterous.

Iraq is a perfect example.

Dorks

2004-08-27T14:07:00.000-07:00

They emerge but once a year. Not to shower or eat but instead fratranize among other dorks at the Anime Convention. For more dorks, visit here.

2004-08-27T13:34:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to you

2004-08-27T13:32:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to you.

2004-08-27T13:30:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to you.

Hommage to the Wing

2004-08-27T12:09:00.000-07:00

National Buffalo Wing Festival

The National Buffalo Wing Festival celebrates “Buffalo Wings”, a national food icon that the world has accepted as a meal and snack staple. This fun-filled family weekend will feature live music, twenty five (25) of the best “Buffalo Wing” Restaurants, the United States Chicken Wing Eating championship, and we will crown the third Miss Buffalo Wing.

Best Wings in Southern California: Santa Barbara Brewery
Worst Wings ever: Hooters (all locations)
Props to James for the heads up

Orgin of the Wing

2004-08-27T11:51:00.000-07:00

The Anchor Bar in Buffalo, New York.

Buffalo, NY (1964)-On a Friday night, Dominic Bellissimo was tending bar at the now infamous Anchor Bar Restaurant in Buffalo, NY. Late that evening a group of Dominic's friends arrived at the bar touting a ravenous appetite. Dominic asked his mother, Teressa to prepare something for his friends to eat.

At about midnight, Teressa brought out two plates she had prepared in the kitchen and placed them on the bar. The aroma from the plates captured the attention of Dom and his friends and everyone asked, "What are these?" they looked like chicken wings, a part of the chicken that usually went into the stock pot for soup.
Teressa had deep fried the wings and flavored them with a secret sauce. The wings were an instant hit and it didn't take long for people to flock to the bar to experience this new eating sensation. From that point on, Buffalo Wings became a regular part of the menu at the Anchor Bar.

Today, the original restaurant is internationally famous and a destination in Buffalo serving up over a thousand pounds of wings each day to the likes of famous movie stars, professional athletes, political leaders and thousands of customers who seek the unique and great taste of Frank & Teressa's Original Buffalo Wings.

The phenomenon created in 1964 by Teressa Bellissimo has spread across the globe. . Although many have tried to duplicate Buffalo Wings, the closely guarded secret recipe is what makes Frank & Teressa's the proclaimed "Best Wings in the World."

Lazy Lucy...

2004-08-26T16:13:00.000-07:00

I'm tired of thinking, writing, doing, eating..anything mundane; I'm exhausted. This translates to me taking time off from Blahhhhing, until something other than swiftvets or brit brit inspires me. Why don't one of you try? Lemme warn you thats quite a challenge.

Good ole' fashion fun

2004-08-20T11:26:00.000-07:00

I almost pissed myself, seeing this. Oh my, I love the Brits, for their humor and crass. I, too, took myself a lyndie inspired shot a few months back at the height of the Abu Garib scandal. I will remove it from my friend's fridge and hopefully it will be with you before the week's end. I implore you to visit this site for more fantastic lyndie shots.

UNCOVERED

2004-08-20T10:49:00.000-07:00

Attention Peeps: I command you all to see this flick. According, the presses it plays like a frontline documentary and exposes the facts like a journalist in crisis. It has gotten excellent reviews from all the right people and is highly recommended by the left intelligensia. If you weren't informed by the myriad of Poli-Docs out there right now; consider this your last opportunity to uncover the truth about this bullshit war.

Playing Select Cities tonight and more importantly opening up in Cali the 27th.

P. Diddy's Boat attacked by Pirates

2004-08-20T08:51:00.000-07:00

P. Diddy is a wussy; an empty shell of a thug rapper. At the first sight of black beard trouble, Diddy grabbed his fur and Cristal and hopped ship to Ibiza. Actually, the maurders were no Pirates but instead drug officers who mistook Diddy's boat for some Drug Dealer's (how could that be?). Aside from the facts of the matter, Diddy still wussed out. Quite a departure from the Big Boy we saw order 7 grown adults to get him sugar cookies in the middle of the night.

These Supposed Morals...

2004-08-19T12:01:00.000-07:00

Where have all the "virtues" and "morals" of the Republican party gone? Where has their steadfast commitment to honor, justice and military patriotism fled to? I remember vividly a few months back, Bush referencing himself as the "War President". He gave a lengthy speech empathizing with the troops, validating the war effort and proclaiming his unwavering patriotism. He claimed that the sacrifice of every soldier, was his sacrifice, etc, etc. However, in typical Republican fashion he has contradicted himself. This time not action, but rather in inaction.

This barrage of criticism directed at John Kerry's military experience, by none other than men of his own outfit is not only deplorable but further made worse that Bush has made no gesture to them to recant their claims. His defiance and unwillingness to respect and honor the sacrifice Kerry made during Vietnam, is truly a testament to his character and the two-faced party he represents. Even in light of new info regarding the founder of this ridiculous movement, Bush remains silent.

Where is your sympathy for brave soldiers, Mr. Bush? Where is your concern? Where is the unity you claim to share with all men of uniform? Apparently, it has disappeared with your morals. Or perhaps it was never there.

Swift Boat Veterans that Lie

2004-08-19T08:00:00.000-07:00

What a fucking Liar. Capt. of the Swift Boat Vets for Truth movement is contridicted by detail of his own Vietnam experience.

"Newly obtained military records of one of Sen. John F. Kerry's most vocal critics, who has accused the Democratic presidential candidate of lying about his wartime record to win medals, contradict his own version of events."

I think these guys are scum.

GOP Whores

2004-08-18T21:57:00.000-07:00

This woman is disgraceful. She seems to be suffering from the Monica Lewinsky syndrome, where attention-starved whores gain celebrity through their sexual deeds. Not surprising from our shady little advisors over at Bush Central. I'm sure our camp, can come up with someone willing to expose Bush as a philanderer, either guilty or not. People are willing to do anything to get him out of office. Question is can we get it published on DrudgeReport?

Top Ten List of Things to Do:

2004-08-18T20:28:00.000-07:00

10) Go to Brazil
9) Be involved in some sort of high-profile hiest
8) Get all the Zelda games, MINT CONDITION
7) Finish my book club book
6) meet more boys, especially one with sweet southern accents
5) See TV ON THE RADIO and HOT CHIP
4) Get gold teeth
3) Buy the whole Epicurean Skin Line and Cream de La Mer
2) Cut down on the Booze (however, that would prohibit me from accomplishing #6)

And last but not least.....

1) Have wild sex with Wes Anderson

If I just accomplish #1, I'll be fine. You'll see why.

2004-08-18T17:03:00.000-07:00

Can't stop playing Nintendo. Super Mario 3 has an unnatural hold on me. Instead of turning off the system because I can't save, I leave it on all day and play more when I get home. I get up and play. I get home and play. I play in bed, morning and night. I refuse visitors, suitors, etc. I can't stop. Soon I'll be a fat, scary video game freak. Help!

Someone if your reading this, either come rescue me from this savage beast or send me game genie so I can save my games.

Bukowski's Birthday Celebration

2004-08-16T14:25:00.000-07:00

Today is the man's birthday. Although, I didn't know this at the start of my weekend, I must have had some subconscience inkling becuase the debauchery that followed was in his image and likeness. In retrospect, I dedicated the wild drunkeness of my saturday evening to the man who might as well have invented the Drink. I'm still suffering from the aftereffects of my hangover yesterday, so I won't be able to salute the bastard, but I encourage all those who are not nursing a brain cell to mobilize in true debauched form and mix all your vices. I thank Bukowski for the most enlightening and depressing time of my life thus far. I post this poem for all's amusement.

how is your heart?

during my worst times on the park benches
in the jails
or living with whores
I always had this certain contentment-
I wouldn't call ithappiness-
it was more of an innerbalance
that settled forwhatever was occuring
and it helped in thefactories
and when relationships went wrong with the girls.

it helped through thewars and the hangovers
the backalley fights
thehospitals.
to awaken in a cheap room
in a strange city
and pull up the shade-this was the craziest kind ofcontentment
and to walk across the floor
to an old dresser with a cracked mirror-see myself, ugly, grinning at it all.

What matters most is
how well youwalk through the fire.

I Love Paul Krugman

2004-08-13T13:48:00.000-07:00

OP-ED COLUMNIST
Bush's Own Goal

By PAUL KRUGMAN Published: August 13, 2004

A new Bush campaign ad pushes the theme of an "ownership society," and concludes with President Bush declaring, "I understand if you own something, you have a vital stake in the future of America."

Call me naïve, but I thought all Americans have a vital stake in the nation's future, regardless of how much property they own. (Should we go back to the days when states, arguing that only men of sufficient substance could be trusted, imposed property qualifications for voting?) Even if Mr. Bush is talking only about the economic future, don't workers have as much stake as property owners in the economy's success?
But there's a political imperative behind the "ownership society" theme: the need to provide pseudopopulist cover to policies that are, in reality, highly elitist.

The Bush tax cuts have, of course, heavily favored the very, very well off. But they have also, more specifically, favored unearned income over earned income - or, if you prefer, investment returns over wages. Last year Daniel Altman pointed out in The New York Times that Mr. Bush's proposals, if fully adopted, "could eliminate almost all taxes on investment income and wealth for almost all Americans." Mr. Bush hasn't yet gotten all he wants, but he has taken a large step toward a system in which only labor income is taxed.

The political problem with a policy favoring investment returns over wages is that a vast majority of Americans derive their income primarily from wages, and that the bulk of investment income goes to a small elite. How, then, can such a policy be sold? By promising that everyone can join the elite.
Right now, the ownership of stocks and bonds is highly concentrated. Conservatives like to point out that a majority of American families now own stock, but that's a misleading statistic because most of those "investors" have only a small stake in the market. The Congressional Budget Office estimates that more than half of corporate profits ultimately accrue to the wealthiest 1 percent of taxpayers, while only about 8 percent go to the bottom 60 percent. If the "ownership society" means anything, it means spreading investment income more widely - a laudable goal, if achievable.

But does Mr. Bush have a way to get us there?
There's a section on his campaign blog about the ownership society, but it's short on specifics. Much of the space is devoted to new types of tax-sheltered savings accounts. People who have looked into plans for such accounts know, however, that they would provide more tax shelters for the wealthy, but would be irrelevant to most families, who already have access to 401(k)'s. Their ability to invest more is limited not by taxes but by the fact that they aren't earning enough to save more.

The one seemingly substantive proposal is a blast from the past: a renewed call for the partial privatization of Social Security, which would divert payroll taxes into personal accounts. Mr. Bush campaigned on that issue in 2000, but he never acted on it. And there was a reason the idea went nowhere: it didn't make sense.
Social Security is, basically, a system in which each generation pays for the previous generation's retirement. If the payroll taxes of younger workers are diverted into private accounts, there will be a gaping financial hole: who will pay benefits to older Americans, who have spent their working lives paying into the current system? Unless you have a way to fill that multitrillion-dollar hole, privatization is an empty slogan, not a real proposal.
In 2001, Mr. Bush's handpicked commission on Social Security was unable to agree on a plan to create private accounts because there was no way to make the arithmetic work. Undaunted, this year the Bush campaign once again insists that privatization will lead to a "permanently strengthened Social Security system, without changing benefits for those now in or near retirement, and without raising payroll taxes on workers." In other words, 2 - 1 = 4.

Four years ago, Mr. Bush got a free pass from the press on his Social Security "plan," either because reporters didn't understand the arithmetic, or because they assumed that after the election he would come up with a plan that actually added up. Will the same thing happen again? Let's hope not.

As Mr. Bush has said: "Fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - can't get fooled again."

BJs on the corner of Sunset/Cresent Heights

2004-08-12T12:37:00.000-07:00

Gallo and Sevigy getting busy for every Angeleno to see. I never saw it and frankly am a lil P.O.ed about that. I'd rather check out simulated BJ's on a sunset billboard than some skinny gucci bitch or a shitty ad for Lifetime Television. DAMN YOU RUPERT MURDOCH AND YOUR CLEAR CHANNEL BILLBOARDS. (for the record though, I absolutely despise Vince Gallo and his shitty movied. He's a racist paranoid biggot not to mention a self-proclaimed Republican)

She-Beast

2004-08-12T12:33:00.000-07:00

Somebody stop this woman. This is what the Swan will do to a insecure person. Fuckin scary

Frightening reality

2004-08-10T21:51:00.000-07:00

Half of high schoolers believe they can and might be drafted. Fuckin' scary. Here we are, the by-product of a generation plagued by the events in Vietnam, and we fear the same fate.

58,000 American Soldiers died in Vietnam. At least one in three Americans growing up in the sixties personally knew someone who died. With the prospect of more wars on the horizon, can we expect a recurrence of a Vietnam reality? Must our children fear the future because those with power cannot restrain themselves or better yet admit their faults.

Almost 20 years, following the America's withdrawal from SE Asia, Robert MacNamara emerged to speak about his experiences as Sect. Of Defense during Vietnam. He explained that in retrospect he and his associates had committed terrible mistakes. I would rather he come to that conclusion when my mom's best friend was dying in a Military hospital. Similarly, I will be outraged in my old age if Bush and Co. make similar admissions. Why hasn't anybody learned anything?

We can prevent these kids from fearing a draft or better yet another war if only we'd maybe for once consider the contemptuous decisions of our past.

Rick James is Dead, Bitches!

2004-08-06T12:58:00.000-07:00

Rick James (February 1, 1948- August 6, 2004)

Pro-active Politics

2004-08-06T12:33:00.000-07:00

help me do this.According to the founders of this website, all it takes is a little cardboard, some duct tape and all the damning facts about the Bush Admin. Viva Guerilla Political Artists!

Veteran retracts criticism of Kerry

2004-08-06T08:12:00.000-07:00

Asshole.

I give good blog

2004-08-03T15:41:00.000-07:00

...Or at least I try.

So have I mentioned what a pleasure it is living near the Hollywood Free Clinic?! Really, its a worldly experience. Yesterday, as I descended the stairs to my laundry room, I could smell a pungent odor emanating from behind the washer. As I moved closer to investigate, I was taken aback. Apparently, certain people have been using my laundry room as their personal restroom facilities. The stench is so strong and reviling that in order to wash clothes, one must be equipped with the lastest in Israeli Gasmask technology. I left a little note to my senile manager explaining the problem. Hopefully, if his senses haven't failed him yet, he'll get around to putting a lock on the door or a fence around the washers. I would hate to disturb someone while their using the using the facilities.

While we're on the topic of my apartment, let me tell you a little story about moving day. I met my current roommates through Craigslist. The day I officially moved in, we were barely acquainted with each other, having only met two times previously. My move was an all day event, that lasted well into the night. The last box that I brought up was the last box, I packed. As this box was my hodge podge box, it contained everything from pot and pans to pins to postits, etc. As I was getting ready to take off to my new apartment, I suddenly remembered my trusty vibrator that I kept stowed away in my bedside drawer. I threw it in the hodge podge box, taped it up and put it in the car with the rest of the boxes.

After a day of hauling things up two flights of stairs in the glaring Los Angeles sun, you tend to get a bit tired and lazy. Come 8pm, I was ready to either hit the hay or hit the bar. I brought up the last box and opened it in the kitchen. I removed all the contents onto the counter including the Vibrator. In a haze, I washed a couple of glasses, stacked them in the cabinent, broke down the box and floated to my bed for a goodnites sleep.

The next few nights, I didn't visit the kitchen seeing that I was foodless. Until one evening, when I got home from my new job. It was approximately 11pm and exactly 2 days after I had unpacked my last box. I went right to the refrigerator, opened it, removed the brita water thing and put it on the counter. I WAS MORTIFIED. Next to the brita was my vibrator that I had left on the KITCHEN FUCKING COUNTER two days earlier. It was in the same exact place, sprawled the length of a foot. I was so embarrassed because I knew that both of my new roommates who I barely knew and who barely knew me, had seen it, probably cooked next to it, poured drinks beside it,etc. I imagined the conversations they had about it while sitting in the living room, sharing after-work drinks. I pictured their reactions when initially noticing it; their confusion on trying to identify it and their repulsion when recognizing it. Not to mention the hilarity that ensued after they convened to speak about it.

That nite, alone in the kitchen of my new apartment with vibrator in hand, I laughed hysterically. They must have heard me through the paper thinness of their doors and joined me because we knew what an embarrassing discovery I had made. We had our first shared experience that nite and it revolved around my tongue shaped vibrator.

my job sucks ass

2004-08-02T22:12:00.000-07:00

My co-worker has just started a new blog. It's about her shitty job. Since its also my shitty job until I begin school in the fall, I feel inclined to share it with you.

Laugh at our pathetic lives here.

My favorite lil' republican

2004-08-02T19:53:00.000-07:00

Its no secret anymore, I'm in love with Tucker Carlson from, CNN's Crossfire. Some people have known this for quite sometime. But now its time to go public. Since half of my posts are dedicated to the bashment of Republicans, I feel its only fair to inform my readers that I'm secretly in love with one.

This affair began some two years ago when I saw that little red bowtie. I almost considered going to George Washington University, just so I could be close to the Tuckster. Thankfully, I decided to stay in California and pursue more realistic ventures. Anyways, the reason for this post is to inform you all that now you can see Tucker every Friday nite on PBS, in addition to his bi-weekly appearances on Crossfire.

In my opinion, this forbidden crush is justified because I'm convinced that Tucker is a closet liberal. And it seems as if my suspicions have been confirmed. I mean, what die-hard conservative would do a show on PBS (TV's equivalent to Peace Now) along side such hippie, liberal freaks as Bill Moyers and Jim Lehrer.

Him and David Brooks need to come out of the closet already.

Nomar No More

2004-08-01T21:19:00.000-07:00

nomar is gone!

This is a sad day in Red Sox History. One of the best players to ever grace Fenway and the management goes ahead and trades him. And for what? Some hacks.

My opinion: we shoulda kept him until after playoffs and here's why. Nomar being a free agent next year and wanting to leave Boston (insert nameless california team), would've made his last season with the Sox, his best. He would have attempted to get us to the World Series again ( and win). And that delivery of a World Series opportunity (win) would affect his future paycheck.

Everybody would be happy. Nomar with this crazy salary; the Sox with a pennant win; and the Sox management because good players like A-Rod would want to come to Boston, possibly taking a pay cut.

Instead we have 3 average players from the Cubs, a failing pitcher, no nomar and a bunch of stupid white guys who don't know how to make decisions. Boston is dead.

a new frightening look at the progress in the war on terror

2004-07-30T00:12:00.000-07:00

I'm aware of the criticism I've received for cutting and pasting a lot of entries. I apologize and will try to offer more personal criticism in the future. However, I'm compelled (for the last time) to post this. Through much analysis of the current war on terror, I've come across this fantastic book ,that is as far as I'm aware, the most inflammatory piece of info regarding the bush administration's war on terror to date. Here is a synopsis from the publisher:

Though U.S. leaders try to convince the world of their success in fighting al Qaida, one anonymous member of the U.S. intelligence community would like to inform the public that we are, in fact, losing the war on terror. Further, until U.S. leaders recognize the errant path they have irresponsibly chosen, he says, our enemies will only grow stronger.

According to the author, the greatest danger for Americans confronting the Islamic threat is to believeat the urging of U.S. leadersthat Muslims attack us for what we are and what we think rather than for what we do. Blustering political rhetoric informs the public that the Islamic are offended by the Western worlds democratic freedoms, civil liberties, inter-mingling of genders, and separation of church and state. However, although aspects of the modern world may offend conservative Muslims, no Islamist leader has fomented jihad to destroy participatory democracy, for example, the national association of credit unions, or coed universities.

Instead, a growing segment of the Islamic world strenuously disapproves of specific U.S. policies and their attendant military, political, and economic implications. Capitalizing on growing anti-U.S. animosity, Osama bin Ladens genius lies not simply in calling for jihad, but in articulating a consistent and convincing case that Islam is under attack by America. Al Qaidas public statements condemn Americas protection of corrupt Muslim regimes, unqualified support for Israel, the occupation of Iraq and Afghanistan, and a further litany of real-world grievances. Bin Ladens supporters thus identify their problem and believe their solution lies in war. Anonymous contends they will go to any length, not to destroy our secular, democratic way of life, but to deter what they view as specific attacks on their lands, their communities, and their religion. Unless U.S. leaders recognize this fact and adjust their policies abroad accordingly, even moderate Muslims will join the bin Laden camp.

I'm purchasing this book as we speak.

FBI Issues Terror Warning for Calif., N.M.

2004-07-29T13:33:00.000-07:00

Right...We know this trick. Rove, Ridge and their spinsters are gonna try to scare us in to voting Republican.... we've learned our lesson with Arnold; never again.

Get Ready For the Big Guns!

2004-07-29T10:26:00.000-07:00

Since the primaries, the democrats have had it good. I mean "good" in the way that attacks have been minimal, really only cosmetic, resulting in nothing more than a questionable report on DrudgReport lasting the span of the day. Seriously, I've been a little disappointed by the caliber of attacks. It seems as if the republicans have really lost their malicious vigor.

But then again our machine has been doing quite well. Since the start of this race, the DNC has had great timing with their incriminating press releases. Additionally, the testimonials of such heavy-weights as Paul O'Neill and Richard Clarke have successfully distracted the republicans from their nasty game of imputation and seemingly created cracks in the conservative spin machine.

But now that all the distractors are gone with their book deals and the culminating moment taking place for the democrats, the republicans are looking prime to strike. So lets discuss the possible scenarios that would condemn the democratic party to hibernation for the next 4 years.

- Rove produces the illegitimate child of both John Kerry and John Edwards and they're black.
- We find out the Teresa Heinz-Kerry was a high- profile madam for Washington professionals who on occasion solicited herself so to ascertain private secrets for her (previous) party's henchmen
- Of course the obvious ones, the discovery of WMD's in Iraq and the accompaniment of Osama Bin Laden as their protectorate.
- North Korea and Iran simultaneously agree to give up their WMD's and meet Bush and Cheney at Camp David for a weekend of skeet-shooting and horseshoe.
- Dick Cheney could rush into a burning building and save 17 orphans from certain death. Then he could reveal that he is really Spider-Man and that he does whatever a spider can. ( this is a suggestion from SF chronicles Jon Carr)
- Gas prices would drop to a mere $.17 cents a gallon. A wee present from the Saudis in thanks to us for sparing them international condemnation for their partial responsibility for 9/11.
- Ann Coulter, Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly are abducted by peace-loving yogis who convince them of the evils of their ways. They return to television desiring a new format for their shows that include cartoons of suns, moons, peace symbols and vibrating "mother earth's"

I welcome more hypothetical scenarios.What is your "october surprise"? Be as creative and malicious as Rove could be. That means taking your imaginations to a dark, dark place.

Isn't it Ironic...

2004-07-28T09:03:00.000-07:00

.....That the only network giving full coverage to the DNC is a Al Jazeera Television. Strange that a foreign network set in the Middle East is offering their viewers more coverage than American stations are offering us. I'm not suggesting by any means that this is a bad thing. I am elated that Arabs and other like minded peoples have the opportunity to see the other side of American politics. They get to witness a fraction of distaste for Bush, which hopefully appeases and impresses them enough to indirectly support an alternative candidate in future peace, nuclear and other negotiations. Apparently, Jim Lehrer feels similarly.

PBS news anchor Jim Lehrer was quite irked that 3 major American networks chose only to air 3 hours of DNC coverage. On Sunday, at a conference held at Harvard University, Lehrer chided "the big three anchors for their networks' decision to air only three hours of prime-time coverage at each national convention this summer."

His remarks were controversial but garnered audience applause. "I think that starting tomorrow, we're going to have four of the eight most important days we can have as a nation," said Lehrer, criticizing CBS's Dan Rather, ABC's Peter Jennings, and NBC's Tom Brokaw for not getting more air time. "I'm sorry. You guys are a hell of a lot more important than your bosses are willing to admit."

Read more here.

Hillary's running mate 2012?

2004-07-28T08:37:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, I didn't have the opportunity to see this man speak at the DNC last nite. But after reading the transcript of his speech this morning, I can see what all the hubris was about. While reading it, goosebumps ran down my spine. He will amount to something great; something esteemed and reverant. Whether we see him as a running mate in the next few presidental elections or a powerful seasoned senator that consistantly champions for the rights of average American citzens. I look forward to his presence in American politics for a long time.

BOSTON — The following is a transcipt of a speech by Barack Obama at the Democratic National Convention on Tuesday, July 27, 2004:

"On behalf of the great state of Illinois, crossroads of a nation, land of Lincoln, let me express my deep gratitude for the privilege of addressing this convention. Tonight is a particular honor for me because, let's face it, my presence on this stage is pretty unlikely. My father was a foreign student, born and raised in a small village in Kenya. He grew up herding goats, went to school in a tin-roof shack. His father, my grandfather, was a cook, a domestic servant.

But my grandfather had larger dreams for his son. Through hard work and perseverance my father got a scholarship to study in a magical place; America which stood as a beacon of freedom and opportunity to so many who had come before. While studying here, my father met my mother. She was born in a town on the other side of the world, in Kansas. Her father worked on oil rigs and farms through most of the Depression. The day after Pearl Harbor he signed up for duty, joined Patton's army and marched across Europe. Back home, my grandmother raised their baby and went to work on a bomber assembly line. After the war, they studied on the GI Bill, bought a house through FHA, and moved west in search of opportunity."

I impore you to read the rest.

2004-07-27T15:35:00.000-07:00

I feel yucky today; perhaps coming down with a wee cold. You would've thought that phenomenal Clinton speech would remedy all ailments and wake me from this fatigue?!

Have a wonderful healthy day.

yours,
Michelle

Where's my credentials?

2004-07-25T21:38:00.000-07:00

Year of the Blog? Web Diarists Are Now Official Members of Convention Press Corps

"Meralyn Merritt had expected the news to come by e-mail rather than by snail mail, otherwise known as the United States Postal Service.
But she had to rip, rather than click, to open the message informing her that she had received press credentials to cover the Democratic National Convention in Boston for her Internet Web log, or blog, at TalkLeft.com, where she offers a running commentary on political and criminal justice issues.
"A big smile broke out on my face and I just went 'Yeah!' " said Ms. Merritt, 54, who works as a criminal defense lawyer in Denver. "It was someone who was judging me on the work that I was doing for free over the last two years and found me worthy."
Even as many networks are reducing their coverage of the increasingly predictable political conventions, the political blogs, which have become a fruitful alternative for individual voices, have been ablaze over the prospect of officially covering conventions for the first time. Ms. Merritt is one of about three dozen bloggers who have been given press credentials for the Democratic convention in Boston, which begins Monday. Another, Ana Marie Cox from the Washington gossip site Wonkette.com, will be working as a correspondent for MTV. " (credit: Nytimes.com)

Read more here

Getting the facts straight..for once.

2004-07-24T08:35:00.000-07:00

If you care here's some info that clears the smoke concerning former Clinton national security advisor, Sandy Berger's and his removal of Archive documents regarding the Y2K terrorist threat.
(credit: Talking Points Memo.com)

A difference of opinion between Tucker Carlson and the 9/11 Commission ...

There is nothing random about the documents he took. Berger stripped the files of every single copy of a single memo which detailed the Clinton administration's response to the Y2K terror threat.

Tucker CarlsonCrossfire July 22nd 2004

Then there's 9/11 Commissioners Gorelick and Gorton ...

DOBBS: Let me ask you, not necessarily directly on point, but certainly related. Sandy Berger, the former head of the national security -- national security adviser under the Clinton administration, accused of, and admitting taking classified documents from the National Archives, those notes, whether copies or originals still unclear. Did the commission review that material, to what -- can you shed any light on what happened there? Slade Gorton, first.

GORTON: Well, we can't shed any light on exactly what happened there and on Sandy Berger's troubles with the Justice Department and the Archives. What we can say unequivocally is we had all of that information. We have every one of those documents. All of them have -- are infused in and are a part of our report.

DOBBS: So the commission was denied no information as a result of whatever Sandy Berger did or did not do at the National Archives?

GORTON: That's precisely correct.

GORELICK: And we have been so assured by the Justice Department.

Dobbs, Gorton & GorelickLou Dobbs TonightJuly 22nd 2004

Thank You Maureen Dowd...

2004-07-24T08:08:00.000-07:00

...For this simple explanation:

"The Bush administration had no good intelligence, so it decided to invade the Ira- (Iran/Iraq) that was weaker.

The war was based on phony W.M.D. analyses and fallacious welcome scenarios drummed up by the neocon Chihuahua Ahmad Chalabi.

Mr. Bush should have worried about the Axis of Evil in the order of the threat posed: North Korea, which has nukes; Iran, which almost has nukes; Iraq, which wanted nukes.

Now American forces are so depleted that the Pentagon is pulling forces out of South Korea to go to Iraq. And, given the huge National Guard deployment in Iraq, states say they don't have enough manpower to guard prisoners, fight wildfires or police the streets."

When is this madness going to end?

Yet Another Reason To Vote Against Bush...

2004-07-23T20:34:00.000-07:00

THE MEXICO CITY POLICY aka THE GLOBAL GAG RULE

"In January 2001, the U.S. government imposed restrictions on non-governmental organizations (NGOs) overseas receiving international family planning assistance. The restrictions, officially called the Mexico City Policy, are also known as the Global Gag Rule by those who oppose it."

Read more here

Under the Bush Administration's oppressive policy several amazing, international NPOs have been forced to close in critical HIV/AIDS- Poverty stricken areas. Within the past year, Mary Stopes International, one of the world's largest health services NPO's has closed offices in Kenya and Zambia. "For example, in Kenya, Marie Stopes International was forced to close a reproductive health clinic in the province with the highest rate of HIV/AIDS in the country".

This is a tragedy; and to make it worse: Several Christian Coalition lobbists in the US and in Africa were responsible for the measure.

Please register to vote to oust Bush; his policies are quite deadly as we have witnessed in Africa.

Sen. Robert Byrd: My Hero

2004-07-21T13:51:00.000-07:00

I LOVE THIS MAN! The kind of love where you get butterflies when you hear him speak and teary-eyed when he's around. So, the reason for my undying expression of romance is due to the newest release of his book, "Losing America: Confronting a Reckless and Arrogant Presidency". He cites the fallacies of the Bush Admin and expresses his anger over the flagrant disrespect for the sovereignty of the American People and our justice system. Gotta love this man's tenacity! And he's still going strong at 87 years-old.

How's about a 'lil quote from the infamed senator? Trust me, a look at his impressive voting record and relentless dissent with the Bush Administration and you too will fall head over heels.

"Byrd said he has 'no apologies to make' for his efforts to stop what he calls "Bush's War." "I was right then, and I'm right now," he said. "This country was hoodwinked, lied to, by an administration that for years had nursed the idea of taking on Saddam Hussein. The American people were hoodwinked. There'll be no president at Dover to salute the flag-draped coffins. They don't want people to see"

Bounty Hunter caught in Afghanistan

2004-07-21T11:46:00.000-07:00

"A US citizen in court charged with running a private "war on terror" in Afghanistan claimed he and two other Americans were working with the full knowledge of US Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld."

Hmmm....Is this guy a private bounty hunter or a CIA agent? You be the judge! The pitiful aspect of this story pertains to his dubious involvement in CIA activities and how his arguable position as a " defense contractor" has cost him and his crew their livelyhoods and reputation. The Defense Department claims that the three men who were arrested in Afghanistan on charges of conducting private quasi-military ventures were not contracted by them as professional terrorist bounty hunters. Bullshit! Its sad how we could abandoned these guys to a corrupt Afghan justice system. I'm not buying for one second the story that they were independent bounty hunters.

Good Riddence!

2004-07-21T11:29:00.000-07:00

You can have him, Lakers! Good bye, Butterfingers.

See ya...

2004-07-12T00:54:00.000-07:00

Off to Mexico! Enjoy the week.

Hey Fatties: It's National Hot Dog Month

2004-07-08T11:36:00.000-07:00

Vital Hot Dog Statistics

In 2003, consumers spent $1.8 billion on hot dogs in U.S. supermarkets.

Americans typically consume 7 billion hot dogs between Memorial Day and Labor Day.

Americans will eat 24.2 million hot dogs in major league ballparks -- that's enough to stretch from Dodgers' Stadium in Los Angeles to Camden Yards in Baltimore.

On the Fourth of July, Americans will enjoy 150 million hot dogs!

More hot dogs will be eaten at New York's Yankee Stadium - 1.8 million in 2003 - than in any other major league ballpark in the country!

The Council estimates Americans will consume more than 2 billion hot dogs during National Hot Dog Month this July!

(provided by national hotdog and sausage council,2004)

Kerry's new slogan?!

2004-07-07T18:46:00.000-07:00

Did the Kerry/Edwards camp swipe their slogan from David Cross' first album, Shut Up, You Fucking Baby(disc 2) ?
We'll never know. But just for the record, that slogan sucks. How about, "We're hot and smart, vote for us!". It's catchy.

Bumper Stickers...Get 'Em While They're Hot!

2004-07-07T17:30:00.000-07:00

and, more importantly, FREE!

http://www.johnkerry.com/signup/bumper_KE.php

...and make a contribution if you can. We're gonna need it, seeing
that corporations are gonna donate loads to defeat their archnemesis,
John Edwards.

LOOKING GOOD. LOOKING REAL GOOD.

2004-07-07T17:26:00.000-07:00

Nasty Ho on Craigslist? or Silly College Prank? YOU BE THE JUDGE!

2004-06-29T17:46:00.000-07:00

Thanks to James' relentless job search; we are able to enjoy this little nugget of Craigslist gold. As James deviated from an exasusting search to check out the personal ads (we just broke up, figures!), he came across this most interesting post. Needless to say after reading the post, I fowarded it to John Fulton.

Reply to: anon-34993556@craigslist.org
Date: 2004-06-28, 3:34PM PDT

This is really strange (not to me, of course), but I'm looking for the
right guy who will help me out.

How do I start ... well, I love anal sex. I am very goodlooking and
busty and have no problem getting guys. Problem is, I have some
gastronomic problems (most likely associated with my strict diet) and
therefore have to push incredibly hard in order to pass my feces.

What this has caused, unfortunantly, is a constant battle with
hemorroids. Now I know this sounds very gross, but I'm looking for a
man who will not only give me plenty of anal sex, but who will also
orally pleasure my rectum, especially during outbreaks. It'll help if
you have low self-esteem, are on the verge of suicide, and/or have
been rejected by everyone you've ever met your entire life and are
looking for some - no matter how remote - kind of acceptance.

Again, I know this is kind of gross and not for everyone, but I'm
hoping there is that special guy out there who will be able to give me
what I want. If you think it is you, drop me line and tell me how your
would satisfy/medicate my delicate little anus.

teachers, pirates, lawyers, farmers and high raditation specialists
are encouraged to reply.

thanks.

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

34993556

The "F" Word

2004-06-25T17:29:00.000-07:00

Yesterday in a fit of sinister rage, our frightening vice president, Dick Cheney, blew up at Democratic senator Patrick Leahy of Vermont. Supposedly, Cheney was angry over repeated comments and accusations about his involvement in the recent (note how I use the word "recent", so to decipher which halliburton scandal I'm speaking about) Halliburton scandal. Leahy and others were shocked by his use and later pardoned him (which I think is a mistake) on CNN; citing that perhaps he was having a bad day.

I would like to note something here. Last time one of our guys, Kerry to be specific, used a word of that caliber; he was fucking chastised by the right. Praeger and all those jerks at Townhall and the Weekly Standard came down on him like he was the anti-christ.Conservative writers cited that his unnecessary use of the word was indicative of his lack of professionalism, family values and zero capacity to be president.

Funny thing is, since Dick Cheney blurted out that word, Thursday on the Senate floor; not a word has been mentioned by Republicans. Some how its excusable? Might I remind all you who pawn away your dignity and self-respect to be included in the conservative circle, that using profanity on the Senate Floor is prohibited by senate rules and could be likened to such blasphemous behavior as defecating in a church.

Fucking double-standards, that's what I say.

Gmail, Baby!

2004-06-23T19:16:00.000-07:00

Adding to an already geeky array of things I'm excited by; I've acquired a Gmail account. Yea, it won't make me prettier, more fashionable or less accessible; but at least have GEEKCRED. Yea,which is more important to upandcoming blogdorks like myself, in this increasingly tech world we live in.

However, I have some qualms with the thing. Firstly, its fucking confusing. After sending out a mass email, which I hope all of you received; peeps began emailing me back. However, when I would reply to their emails, my outgoing message would fill up all your email boxes and not the person whom I intended to send it too. The result: a friend emailing me back asking about a party which I purposely did not invite him too. Grrrr!

Secondly, they have all these superfluous features that I don't think will be used. Like: "starring" a partiular email or the fact that there are multiple adds beside the opened email that pertain to the info in my email. I know they're not reading my email but still, it's freaky. However, I'm not gonna complain cuz I gots 1000 MG of storage and geekcred; which brings me to my next point.

A good feature, however, is the fact that I sofar have 20 emails in my box and I've yet to use even 1% of the storage capacity. I think it could be all summed up by the message that you see when you delete a message," No conversations in the trash. Who needs to delete when you have 1000 MB of storage?!"

Note to all you who were not invited: Good luck getting props at the Computer Fair!

2004-06-21T13:56:00.000-07:00

Summer has officially arrived. June 21st marks the summer solstice.

"Today or tomorrow, depending on your time zone, the Sun reaches its northernmost point in planet Earth's sky marking a season change and the first solstice of the year 2004. In celebration, consider this delightfully detailed, brightly colored image of the active Sun. From the EIT instrument onboard the space-based SOHO observatory, the tantalizing picture is a false-color composite of three images all made in extreme ultraviolet light. Each individual image highlights a different temperature regime in the upper solar atmosphere and was assigned a specific color; red at 2 million, green at 1.5 million, and blue at 1 million degrees C. The combined image shows bright active regions strewn across the solar disk, which would otherwise appear as dark groups of sunspots in visible light images, along with some magnificent plasma loops and an immense prominence at the right hand solar limb." (Courtesy: www.nasa.gov)

The winning ticket?

2004-06-18T10:35:00.000-07:00

"Sen. John Edwards (N.C.) has emerged as the favorite of many Democratic senators and Kerry friends and advisers. Edwards's stock has shot up in recent weeks as private polling shows the freshman senator providing a boost to the ticket in key states because of his southern appeal and perceived likeability, two sources close to the campaign said. "The delay in announcing someone has helped Edwards," a Democrat close to Kerry said." (courtesy: washingtonpost.com)

My fingers are crossed! More later.....

What the fuck?

2004-06-17T13:31:00.000-07:00

"President Bush insisted today that "numerous contacts" between the ousted government of Saddam Hussein and the al Qaeda terrorist network showed that the former Iraqi leader was a threat to the United States, despite a report by the Sept. 11 commission that found no "collaborative relationship" between Iraq and al Qaeda." (courtesy of washingtonpost.com)

How many 9/11 reports need to be created to declare that there was never and will never be a link between the hijackers and Hussein? This is ridiculous and laughable. Dick Cheney mentioned the link in a Heritage Foundation fundraiser earlier this week and now Bush has repeated the same rehtoric in a speech this morning.

Why do the Republicans continue to insist that there was a link when clearly that assertion has been denied? In a policy weblog posted on the Heritage Foundation website; it's stated that "many in Washington (e.g.=republicans)disagree" with the 9/11 Commision's report. This FACT is not subject to a variance of opinions. HELLO! We have solid, emperical evidence supported by several CIA and intelligence officials, claiming there was no link. What else does it take to convince these boneheads? A joint press conference held by both Al-Qaeda and the former Hussein regime stating that they hate each other.

I think this is just another example of they're ignorance and obvious disillusionment surrounding 9/11 and Iraq. Why we voted these idiots into office still evades me.

ITS OVER!

2004-06-16T10:34:00.000-07:00

This is the happiest day of my life. I've been awaiting this moment for almost 5 years and finally its arrived. Not only did the Los Angeles Lakers lose last nite, they lost BIGTIME. 100-87 is embarrassing. If you saw the stats, the top five starting players for Detroit scored in the double digits. While only two of Los Angeles' players scored in the doubles: Shaq and Kobe. Payton, whom we paid top dollar for, barely scored 5 points. PATHETIC!

This is a new day for basketball. Finally, the game will return to its grittiness and away from its glitzyness. A Los Angeles defeat has shown that a underdog team can come to defeat a behemoth team with grace and respect. Congratulations Detroit, you deserved it.

Arlington West: Veterans for Peace

2004-06-15T19:30:00.000-07:00

"Santa Barbara Chapter of the Veterans For Peace has been on the beach in front of well-known Stearns Wharf all day, interacting with the many tourists from all over the world through a project now called "Arlington West." Arlington West consists of a small white cross for every soldier killed in Iraq."

On my way to my friend's graduation dinner this sunday, I witnessed this amazing form of protest on a popular beachfront in Santa Barbara.I've read about it in multiple newspapers, but have never seen it first-hand. It was riviting! As children chased beach balls through the pale white crosses and jovial lovers fondled each other closeby, they're were a few on bended knee probably weeping over the loss of a child or sibling.

I want to see memorials like this all over civic areas: beaches, parks, promanades, intersections, etc. As to remind the people in charge who is paying the ultimate price for this senseless war.

Siren music festival brings everybody and I mean everybody to Coney Island

2004-06-12T18:39:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm a little P.O.ed about this not being here. Note to all you new yorkers: if you don't go to this your an asshole. period.

Get Smart!

2004-06-12T17:50:00.000-07:00

Alright,more genius stuff from our bonefide genius school. MIT offers free courses to anybody that feels like learning.The best part about it, we don't have to be genius'. Heres a brief description:

Welcome to MIT's OpenCourseWare:
a free and open educational resource for faculty, students, and self-learners around the world. OCW supports MIT's mission to advance knowledge and education, and serve the world in the 21st century. It is true to MIT's values of excellence, innovation, and leadership.

Sharpen up on Aeronautics or even Nuclear Engineering whilst at work or being lazy on the internet.Get your smart on, here.

She's got the look...

2004-06-12T16:42:00.000-07:00

What does it take to look this awesome?I must know. For all yous wondering where you can purchase your next razzling outfit, go here and shop to you drop.

praying or sleeping?

2004-06-11T19:50:00.000-07:00

So in yet another attempt to defame Clinton's character, Matt Drudge of the famously tacky Drudgereport.com, has posted this photo with a caption reading,"Clintons rest eyes during Reagan eulogy..." However, I'm a bit skeptical about his observations. Why you ask? I'll tell you why. Firstly, if you look closely, you'll see that the people behind the Clintons also have thier eyes closed. Coincidence?, I don' think so. I just happened to watch that unbelievably boring funeral for Reagan and the still frame that Drudge and his cronies have captured here, was during a prayer ceremony. Nice try, Drudge. Better luck next time. As we all are aware if a blowjob didn't do the trick of slandering and diminishing his popularity, then a cheesy still frame definitely won't.

Jesus has heeled him.

2004-06-09T20:08:00.000-07:00

Yes...he's back! Thank the sweet lord. Although, my heart was broken last year, I'm willing to go through it all again.

Shut up about Reagan, already!

2004-06-09T10:39:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm adding to the list of things I've had it up to here with.

11) Constant blabbering about Reagan and his legacy
Goddamn it, Fox! We've had it up to here. I'm not the only person that feels this way. It seems as if Dan Rather and Tom Brokaw concur. Note to all Republicans: Reagan is not the second coming

P.S.- I know this is a bit conspiratorial but does anybody else feel that Reagan's death has been a sort of "wag the dog" in eclipsing all the hubris about Iraq and abuse allegations. It seems as if his death has worked in the Administrations favor, especially Karl Roves, in rallying a divided Repub party. His death is a unifying force and that we all should fear because a unified GOP means victory.

jimmy carter a criminal?

2004-06-07T21:02:00.000-07:00

This incredibly naive boy I met at a party this weekend seemed to think so. He was wearing a shirt that had stencils of Jimmy Carter (who I thought was Cheney at first), Ronald Reagan and George Bush behind bars, with the words ORIGINAL GANGSTERS above their heads. I saw the shirt from a distance and beckoned him over. You see, I'm trying to make shirts with political messages and finding excuses to talk to cute boys can be classified as research for my work. Anyways, He cautiously approaches as my friends and I are marveling at his great shirt. However, as he gets within a distance where my eyes can clearly decipher words and images (I have -6 eyesight in both eyes and wear scary coke bottles for glasses), I notice that it is not Dick Cheney's image as I thought earlier but rather the sweet smile of Jimmy Carter.

My friends looked at me and I at them with strange bewilderment. "Jimmy Carter an original gangster", we thought. Jimmy Carter isn't a criminal nor is he comparable to those assholes beside him. I mean, he won the fucking Nobel Peace prize for his bold middle-east policy. I then asked the guy wearing the shirt, where he got it?, who made it?, etc. He replied that he assisted in creating and silk screening the shirt. Well you can guess what happened next. We grilled him HARD CORE. I began. "Do you consider Jimmy Carter a criminal or a gangster? What about Nixon? Who actually was convicted of multiple felony counts after Watergate. How about those guys, dude?"

Needless to say the guy was dumbfounded. Three ladies ripping into him about his "cool" shirt. He sadly retorted with, " all presidents are criminals" and left with his tail between his legs.

Not Jimmy Carter, dude. That guy is awesome. Yea, he made some minor mistakes. Let's talk about them...

1) US covert operation in Afghanistan (1979): responsible for supporting/supplying/etc the Mujadeen (ie Taliban). According to testimonials at the time, the CIA sought to arm and support those who would undermine the Afghan governments of nor Mohammad Taraki and his successor, Hafizullah Amin.(by proxies of the Soviets)

2) Botched attempt to rescue the Iranian embassy hostages, thus setting the stage for his presidential defeat.

Political facts are dorky. I'll try something funnier tomorrow.

a few things I've had it up to here with.

2004-06-04T17:55:00.000-07:00

1) P-Diddy biker gangs
I'm driving on the 101 yesterday nite, listening to death cab. while attempting to find the perfect pitch, a group of assholes in multi-colored leather outfits buzz by, scaring the shit outta me. These aren't your weekend riders who coast PCH on a sunday in search of the best bud light. Is it really necessary that you all must travel in a little pack like that? or that you guys all must rev your mufflers (or whatever it is that is responsible for that obnoxious noise) at the same time while passing non-intimidating green corollas? note to them: fucking slow down, before you kill me.

2) my bad memory
Its like i have alzheimers, I can't remember shit. Yesterday, I was asked about my favorite roxy music album and I blanked. I've listened to this album almost every week for 6 years. I hit my head a few times, looked around the room and finally delivered the name of an album that was my second favorite. I lied about something so dear. I'm blaming, you for diminishing my integrity. note to memory: please don't fail me in those times of need, and you know what i'm talking about.

3) the case of mild psoriasis on my elbow
you itch all the time thus bringing unwanted attention to yourself. after much staring by observant company, i have to explain that you are a non-contagious skin condition that causes skin cells to grow too quickly, resulting in thick, white, or red patches of skin. And not a staff infection i picked up using the bathroom at a dive bar in hollywood. note to you: go away,your freaking out my dates!

4) dating
i'm not good at it. what happened to the times when a bunch of friends would go to the mall together on a saturday nite and the guy i liked would buy me gummy worms and hold my hand. No pressure, no effort. those were the days. note to dating: take some tips from adolescence.

5) drew carey
i'm sick of seeing your fat, ugly face and hearing your terrible jokes.
note to head haunchos who syndicate his crappy show: can it. get it off the air. remove all traces of it from existence. note to nasty models who fuck him: your disgusting, where's your self-respect.

6) religious fanatics
i know, it might seem as if i'm lifting this from cross but i have to. you guys really believe all that nonsense about the garden of eden or seventy virgins in heaven? C'mon, we're adults here. we've got modern science now, we don't that shit anymore. i'm sick of seeing you on tv whispering detrimental, sweet nothings into the ear of our impressionable president. and picketing the helpless and vulnerable tourists(or sinners according to you)on hollywood blvd. and blowing people up. note to jihadists, right-wing christians, militant jewish settlers, and larouch supporters: retake your 5th grade science class (preferably in an urban area,away from middle america) and listen this time.

7)Mickey Kaus
stop talking shit about john kerry. jesus, i though you were on our side. the fact that your still bitter months after the primaries because your guy didn't win, only reflects badly on you. alot of people read your blog and will be influenced by your negative rants. note to kaus: solidarity, look it up!

8) the lakers winning the goddamn championships, again!
I'm fed up with the lakers, purple and gold, ghetto low-riders with flags and stickers obstructing my view of everything, and fair weather laker fans who leave games at the end of the 3rd quarter. note to detroit: please, please beat them.

9) nicole's disgruntled relationship with her cell phone
why have a cell phone if your never gonna pick it up or charge it? either get rid of it or use it, stop teasing us. note to nicole: your outgoing cell phone message which was cute at first (music from zelda) has become extremely annoying and is now considered 9a on the list. please for the sake of my sanity, change it.

10) my apathy
i'm surprised you didn't prevent me from finishing this list. also your getting me fat. note to you: Please go away and give me my desire to desire back

The bush administration has lost it.

2004-06-03T09:49:00.000-07:00

I'm reading Drudge this morn and came across this story. "National security adviser Condoleezza Rice insists that George W. Bush will one day rank alongside such towering pillars of 20th century statecraft as President Franklin D. Roosevelt and British Prime Minister Winston Churchill."

Has she lost it? Seriously. It bogles my mind that this woman was once provost of one of the most prestigious universities in the nation and can justly compare him to such lumanaries. However, I did find paralells between Bush and Churchill that are a bit disconcerning.( note: churchill's latter years were not as glamourous as history suggests)

Churchill: considering fighting facism the most important priority for freedom-loving nations
Bush: considers fighting terrorism the most important priority for freedom-loving nations

Churchhill: had a little problem with the booze
Bush: had a little problem with the booze

Churchill: a bit overzealous with his approaches to defeating facism and communism. Preferd to involve british forces in a new front in asia and quarantine growing communism in the area, shortly after defeating the axis powers.
Bush: Involved weary US forces in a new front to fight terrorism (questionable linkage between iraq/terrorism) shortly after the defeat (questionable) of taliban in afganistan.

This is the paralell that will soon come to fruition if (hopefully) history repeats itself:

Churchill: overwelmingly voted out of office in 1945 after expressing interest in involving British troops in the asian front and a bitty comment comparing the labour party to the nazi party.
Bush: hopefully, will be voted out of office.

In conclusion: although, churchill has been idolized by historians as a champion of freedom (which he was), he was considered a war mongrel by 90% of the british public in 1945. Similarly, Bush might love freedom (when terrorists don't) but is considered a war mongrel by the majority of the American public in 2004. This might be a hunch but I'm pretty certain that George W. Bush is not going down in history as one of the most revered leaders of our time.

damn you, new yorkers!

2004-06-02T22:58:00.000-07:00

you guys always get the good stuff. i thought i was cool going to a west memphis three fundraiser last week at the Improv.The likes of bob odenkirk, chris hardwick (effing hilarious), laura kightlinger, patton oswald and tenacious d were there. I couldn't finish a beer, i was too busy laughing. but, big apple your sizing us up again! McSweeney's is hosting a fundraiser for 826nyc aross the bridge in bk. Your excellent line up: david cross, todd barry (shouldn't be allowed in the same room with cross, he sucks) and they might be giants. Come to the westcoast and do a fundraiser for 726 valencia in sf. we need money too. or is that too far for you cross?

Oh one more thing. this is a great way for families to collaborate for the art of funny. thank you mcsweeneys for lists and thank you afrooz family for your amazing wit.

PUNCHLINES SUGGESTED
BY ASHTON KUTCHER FOR PUNK'D THAT
WERE REJECTED DUE TO THEIR
ARCHAIC NATURE.

BY AFROOZ FAMILY

You've been hoodwinked!

You have been beguiled by my cohorts!

You are the victim of our flimflam!

You, unfortunately, are the jestee!

You are the one who was hornswoggled!

It is you the gomeril!

The previous contingency was an apery!

presumptuous emails

2004-06-02T10:21:00.000-07:00

This found its way into my email box a few minutes ago..

"PacSun.com Summer Must Haves From Brands You Love"

I hate this store and their brands. How'd they get my address? Somebody has it out for me, signing me up for the Pac Sun email list. That's a new low, enemy! I reminds of the time when i signed up my ex-boyfriend ,to recieve gay porno calenders via email.

political tidbits

2004-06-02T09:25:00.000-07:00

1)congress is trying to pass a bill through both houses that would lay the foundation for a new military draft. It will add a surplus of 28 million to the SSS (selective service system) budget. Scary fact: bill written by bostrous dems and fervents repubs, a bi-partisan venture to make sure more people lose limbs. Perhaps we could come together for..say..saving Social Security or improving health care. Just a thought, assholes.

2) the new president of Iraq,Sheik Ghazi al-Yawar, recieved an engineering degree from the Petroleum and Minerals University in Saudi Arabia.I know what your thinking...it's obviously a coincedence. He will have absolutely no hand in determining how and when halliburton or bectel conduct their buisness.

3)Stephanie Herseth (D.-south dakota) narrowly beat a republican in an off season election to give the dems a boost in this heavy GOP leaning state. If Ohio is ground zero, South Dakota is Ground one. I hope this is indicative of a bigger race to come in Nov. Hopefully, Dems will be picking up a lot more than House seats, if you catch my drift..haha

4)Nigerian ethinic groups have finally settled on a peace treaty that will end almost 7 years of civil strife. Supposedly, some oil companies played a big role in the mediations. You see Nigeria is Africa's largest exporter of oil, pumping out nearly 2.5 billion barrels a day. Local politians and tribal leaders have tried their hand in negotiations but have failed. It wasn't until the fighting got so bad that mulit-nationals ceased operation and that scared the shit outta shareholders. Its good we know where are priorties are as well as human compassion.

5) Ariel Sharon, the extremely obese PM of Israel, is certain that his cabinent will pass the Gaza Pullout plan....hmmm..even though they voted on it last month and Likud/and other factions overwelmingly rejected the plan. I wonder what makes him so confident. Seems strange to me that Israel wants to withdraw but continues to antagonize gaza residents which in turn incites more violence, thus giving Israel reason to stay after some 12-year-olds lob rocks at fortified settlments meters away. (I'm not fond of run sentences,but this one is staying)

I'm a bit bias, politically. If you don't agree, post something under comments, I'll read it, then ignore it and suggest you read ann coulter's column. Okay..have a good day, peeps.

one more thing..

2004-06-02T00:42:00.000-07:00

what the hell am i doing blogging when I have a gnarly final at 9am tomarrow/this morning? I'm feeling a bit weepy today. My emotions made themselves very apparent during sub-par episode of queer eye. One of the meathead canidates who they were stylin' up, wrote an appreciative poem to the fab 5. I'm sure if you want a good cry, they have it posted on some obsessive fan site. While Carson and crew were busy joking, I was balling.

Something is wrong with me. I'm thinking about my ex-boyfriend alot. Its only been two fucking months and according to all these bullshit books and shows about single girls living single in the millinium (or manhattan), i'm supposed to have gotten over him already. I'm fine throughout the day, but when night falls and i'm lying in my bed with my eyes wide open and all i can think about is his incessent rambling about s&p's or lou dobbs coverage of american outsourcing. I wish I could tell him I missed him and that an end to outsourcing would not abolish all our problems.

2004-05-31T23:09:00.000-07:00

this is awesome...your looking at your next v-day card, bitches.

Bukowski:Born into this

2004-05-31T22:49:00.000-07:00

Read this then go see the movie.

I can't paste photos here.Hmmmm...this is wierd.

lite beer is for wussies

2004-05-31T22:38:00.000-07:00

Seriously, lite beer is for girls and I'm not drinking it anymore. Its totally wussy and when I drink it nobody takes me serious. Fuck Amstel,coors light, bud light and whatever that new shit trader joes is solciting. And while were on the topic of wussy, so is every national lampoon movie after Euro Vaction. Okay, I hate my job and I hate finals.
Good nite.

Divorcee at 25

2004-05-27T14:44:00.000-07:00

So my friend is getting a divorce. I'm trying to convince her to divorce on national television in front of a black female judge wearing a brown, paisley cravate. She married a French man so he could stay in the U.S. Their idyllic ceremony took place at the LAX justice of the peace. A reception followed at the juice bar downstairs where they both recieved a congrats from a disinterested youth. The marriage was a secret for almost 6 months until her dad found the marriage license crumpled up in the backseat of her 1985 oldsmobile.(Thats a story all in itself) She claimed they did it for love but continually told her husband that they were technically still b/f and g/f. Confused, me too. So He's in L.A. riding the tide of love however unable to get a job or support himself. Ideally, love would take care of these tiny inconvinences but his slothlyness took a toll. He moved back to France in August in hopes making some cash and maybe developing a trade. In the meantime, She moved on and found a quasi-boyfriend. He wants to return and patch things up but has been given the boot by her. This would be the best damn divorce court ever. But I need to convince her to allow him to return. Join me in this crusade.